Saw this today in Publix whilst shopping for birthday party supplies for my dad’s birthday…with my parents. (Never let it be said that we’re a family into surprises).

Don’t even try to pretend that these don’t look EXACTLY like what you think they look like.

Mr. Spock:

Bettie Page:

The eyebrows, the hair…Mr. Spock is the only male I’ve ever seen with “Bettie Bangs”.

(I wish I could do Bettie Bangs. I tried, but my face is so square that any attempts to ‘block it off’ looks like a Kindergartener should be able to shove my skull into a wooden puzzle)

On a related note, I recently saw a girl with Spock ears. I mean, she had implants to make her ears Vulcan-like. I admit, I was facinated. I like imagining people my age 60+ years in the future, dribbling into our oatmeal at resting homes. I do think that my generation (The Millenials) were really the first to be all-accepting/gung-ho about tattoos, piercings, bod-mods, etc. Not to say that people before this weren’t, but honestly, I can’t say I’ve ever seen someone over 35 with a split tongue or gagued ears.

I just like imagining our nursing-home years. There’ll be a million old geezers with weird implants and runny tattoos and holes in unnattural places that need attending to. It’ll ROCK.

Speaking of Spocks…

My parents met DR. Spock in ‘67 at the height of his fame, at a hippie rally. My hippie mother, age 22, mother of her first child, had a babe-in-arms, and he singled her out and came down into the crowd to talk to her and tell her that he knew she was holding a girl because he could always tell by the shape of the face. He cold look at ANY baby with a big chubby face and immediately know that it was a girl.

My oldest brother’s name is Ivan Matthew.

This is influential/batshit crazy German artist Joseph Bueys…singing a pop song about President Reagan.

Speaking as part-German, what is wrong with us?

ETA: I think the best part about the video is Buey’s insane little bopping dance throughout. Germans should never try to “get down”. We are like the antithesis of funky.

Welcome to the world, Mellie! You’re seriously one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen, you look just like your daddy, and I’m gonna spoil you rotten as long as your mommy and I are friends.

(I doubt many people will understand what I’m talkingg about, but people who attend Dr. Sketchy’s Savannah will!)

But he KNOWS how in love I am with Gordon Ramsay.

I honstly cannot comprehend that this man is only 42 years old…you could stick a quarter into his worry-wrinkles. Still, I find him insanely hot– handsome, an awesome chef, and with an awful Horatio Alger-ish childhood to boot…and we all know how I love me my tragic tortured heroes.

I love cooking. LOVE IT. Were I not an “arteest” I would want to be a chef. There’s just something so satisfying about cooking, about making something amazing out of random minerals and carbon. It’s very, if not impossible, to describe how enthralling cooking is to someone who doesn’t feel the same way about it. Preparing a good meal is just the best thing in the world. Caring about food– not being a food snob (“Is this organic arugula? PAH!”), but caring about how things are prepared and how they are presented and how they taste…God. As a former roommate said, “I’d rather go without sex for five years than give up a good meal.”

I love Gordon Ramsay because he cares about food. He is obviously insanely passionate about it, and yes, I know the recent scandal about some of his restaurant’s food being “pre-packaged”…but who gives a fuck, really? Seeing him prepare a meal is orgasmic. I love watching food be prepared, I collect cookbooks even if I know I will never use them. I collect takeout menus so I can read the meal descriptions. The funny thing is, anyone that knows me will tell you that I don’t eat but once a day! I simply do not get hungry! Food is such a…God, don’t want to say erotic but it is, almost, thing with me.

I blame my Southern heritage. My God, but do we like to cook. Y’all oughta taste my cornbread.

I also blame this:

Oh, BABY.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My parents were orgiginally going to name me “Susan” after my grandmother and aunt, but there are so many Susans in the family they wanted to cut down on confusion. As for my middle name, I was named after my Dad. According to my mom: “Well, your dad hated his name and didn’t want to name either of your [older] brothers after him, and I wanted to name ONE of my kinds after ‘im,and I knew you’d be the last one I was gonna have…so. sorry.”

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I don’t remember the exact date, but it was about 15 days ago when I didn’t pass my conditional review to get int the grad program. Honestly I didn’t feel too badly about it though, cos that day was the peak day of the worst ‘flu I’ve ever had in my life, so I didn’t give a damn what anyone said abou me or anything else.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
For the most part, but admittedly it ain’t gonna win any penmanship awards.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

I’m a vegetarian– Smart Deli pastrami is damn good. Pastrami was always my favorite “real” meat, and this is a really good approximation.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, thank God!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Depends. If this “other person” was a Neo-Nazi, NO WAY. Otherwise, I’ve never really had problems making friends.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Oh my yes…bitch.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yep!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Possibly. Would you provide me with clean pants afterwards?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don’t remember the last time I ate cereal! Hm, I guess Rice Krispies? I’m pretty sure it isn’t made any more, but during elementary school my favorite cereal was “Temptations”…the the point that I cut out the picture from the box and taped it into my diary.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I usually wear ballet flats.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Jeez, I haven’t eaten ice cream in ages. Mint chocolate chip, though, all the way!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Honestly, I tend to fixate on teeth or bad breath.

15. RED OR PINK?
Pink pink pink me likes pink.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My wobbly bits.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Lindsay P!

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I honestly don’t care.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I’m not WEARING pants…or shoes for that matter.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
QVC!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Robin’s Egg Blue.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Garlic, vanilla, soap…in that order

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Morgana, about modeling. Ooh la la!

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
This was a Facebook note.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
The World’s Strongest Man competition!

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dita Von Teese black.

28. EYE COLOR?
Greenish hazel. One of my eyes is noticeably darker than the other, though.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Gracious yes.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Hippie Soup is pretty awesome (email me for the recipe), also quesadillas, Thai food, anything tofu-based…and GARLIC. I will eat raw garlic happily, I love it so.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I can’t watch scary movies at all, so I guess “happy endings” as default.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
“Frozen River”– amazing, beautiful, touching…and perhaps the most depressing movie of 2008.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black Mortal Kombat Film Crew shirt Dad snagged for me in ‘95. The fact he worked on Mortal Kombat was possibly the only reason I wasn’t beaten to a pulp in elementary school. That, and I knew how to headbang.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Yech, I really prefer Spring or Fall.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Me, apparently…?

39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW?
“The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck. I always liked Steinbeck (I grew up near Monterey so “Cannery Row” was awesome for me– I knew all the places he was talking about) but never got around to reading this.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It’s a laptop track-pad…so filth, mostly.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

The local news, as usual.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
Bass, rain in a city at night.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling Stones.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Romania, a couple of years ago.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can make my eyeballs shimmy

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Ridgewood, New Jersey

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Huh?

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Awww, so cute, assuming I have a love life…

49. DID THIS QUESTIONNAIRE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE WE JUST DATED? OR AM I JUST INSANE?
Hahahaha. You’re just insane… and creeping me out, now. And wait… do you mean my reading the previous person’s answers or answering it myself?? Who is asking me this question, anyway?! AHH!

Having the flu during the last weekend before finals week, of course

…please kill me.

Check it out! Paracinema Magazine’s 5th issue has hit the stands, and yours truly did the cover art– yay!  Really, check these guys out, I’d love their work even if I wasn’t a contributing artist. Cult, independant, horror, trash and B-movies taken seriously? Now yer talkin’!

Visit them at paracinema.net and pick up a copy! The editors are super cool and you’ll love it.

Created by Train Horn

Yes, I can hear that. I have abnormally acute hearing– no kidding. You know when you have the picture part of the TV off, but technically it’s still on? I can hear the TV running. You know those ultra-sonic mole traps– you drive a stake into your lawn and it emits a high-pitched squeal that only moles and pests can hear? Yeah, I can hear that too. Powerlines? No problem. “Invisible gates”? Yep. Essentially anything that’s electronic that hits the correct frequency, I can hear. And it drives me freakin’ NUTS.

In non-meme news,expect a website update VEEEERY soon…

I love doing online quizzes. I have no social life at ALL…I thought my results for this one was pretty f*cking funny.

What kind of Pin up girl are you? Zombie girl You love the gore and you love the night. If that isn’t the case… then maybe this is just who you become the morning after a GREAT night out with the girls. You might want to check into rehab…. or maybe the morgue Beauty-Vanity Quizzes

…who ME?! Reeeeeally?!