Dear Upstairs Neighbors, Possibly in Apt 12,
Congratulations! While I am very happy that you two are obviously deeply in love and enjoy a healthy and evidently rewarding sex life, I wold like to take a moment to remind you that your bedroom faces an enclosed brick shaftway (no pun intended!), the acoustics of which would rival that in any philharmonic hall. Therefore, while we are certainly impressed by your performance (and I for one appreciate how the lady in question appears to have perfect pitch), we would modestly suggest that the next time you schtupp, you close the window.
Or a least play some loud music or something. Seriously, you two really left nothing to our collective imagination.
Cordially,
Your entire building
